Ruby Flame

Ruby Flame




No items matching your keywords were found.



How to beat Ruby Weapon (Part:1)





Ruby Flame

Can you please edit my poem?

I'm entering a poetry contest about nature..i wanted to see if it was good?

Autumn Leaves

Watch their whimsical movement.
They sway and dance to unheard music,
creating an expression of
free
flowing
thought

and fierce color.

Listen closely, you can hear
their peaceful whispers,
their silky voices blending in
with the gentle sound of
the breeze.

As they tumble towards
the green below
they soar upwards
like ruby dragon flies taking off for flight,
a final attempt to unleash their
inner flame.

I never liked the word whimsical. It's too Martha Stewart.
I don't care for the use of simile in the last stanza.
I would do it this way (but it's just my style, not yours):

"they soar upwards,
ruby dragonflies taking flight,
to unleash their inner flame."

Maybe it's not unheard music, maybe only they hear it.

"they sway and dance to music only they can hear"
or
"they sway and dance to music we can't hear"

Maybe they aren't silky voices. Leaves have some other kind of voices to my mind. "rattly"? "crinkly"? If I could find the right adjectives to describe that sound I might use two or three of them.

Just a couple of suggestions. Now, why aren't you in school?!

Ruby Flame